Post-Estrangement – From Powerless to Empowered.

14 Days of Self Appreciation Challenge:   Day 13

February 13th  

To be estranged by an adult child is to be robbed of power.  The powerless comes from several sources. 

• Not knowing why the estrangement was started creates powerlessness.
  
• Having attempts at communication ignored creates powerlessness.
  
• Being in a position of having to defend ones actions creates a loss of power.
• Having to walk on “egg shells” for fear of making the situation worse, diminishes power
• Knowing that regardless of which action you take, you will still be in the wrong creates a sense of futility and powerlessness.
• Feeling victimized creates a sense of helplessness and loss of power
• The act of becoming hidden or having to hide a segment of your life robs you of power.
• Realizing that you no longer understand your offspring diminishes your sense of control over your life reality and thus your power.
• Feeling like a failure in your past destroys your personal sense of accomplishment and leaves you feeling powerless over being able to determine your future.
• Knowing that there is nothing you can do to end the situation leaves you powerless.
• The spiraling emotions of grief and trauma leave you emotionally confused and powerless.
• Not knowing if there can be an ending to the horror of the situations leaves you defenseless and without power.

Somewhere along the path of grieving this message sunk deep into my spirit.  I felt that I had no control over any of the

events in my life.  I was adrift on currents that were dragging me willy nilly against my wishes in directions I had no desire to travel and toward destinations I did not choose.  This sense of powerlessness depleted my energy.  Projects that once were easy to plan and execute took enormous effort to accomplish.  Other projects became impossible to start.  Inertia set in deepening my sense of powerlessness. 

My healing journey has increasingly been about taking back a sense of control.  I starting with being able to say “I deserved better” and to realize that this is the truth.  To be able to think in terms of I deserve respect for what I have accomplished; rather than being discarded for my mistakes. To gradually saying this is how I feel about the way I was treated and I will not be silenced. 

Slowly I am becoming empowered and slowly I am able to say I deserve to be empowered.  Tasks and new projects are becoming easier to undertake.  I like this change.  Today’s gift of self-appreciation to myself is to celebrate the journey toward empowerment that I am on.

My project today is to create a runic mandala symbolizing the elements that I feel are connected with empowerment.

I will meditation on the symbolic significance of each rune as I incorporate it into my mandala

The rune Sigel in red to symbolizes the life force, the energy of essential power.

The rune Tyr in red to represent strength and protection, the warrior within, 

The rune Os in orange to represent vitality, and brings in the essence of potency, courage, and strength. 

The rune Man in yellow to symbolize intellect, a request for self-knowledge.

The rune Feoh in green to represent expansion and abundance, prosperity, growth and universal love.

The rune Wyn in light or sky blue to represent expression and communication and symbolize spiritual gain, joy and self-achievement.

The rune Lagu in dark blue or indigo to symbolize synthesis and inner wisdom.

The rune Ken in violet or purple to represent spirituality and spiritual guidance.

The rune Eolh in white which represent healing and integrations and spiritual assistant, shielding and protection.  A symbolic connection to the higher Self and Spirit, the universal mind.

Surround the basic mandala with further thoughts and meditations:

The rune Is in silver to represent receptivity to the changes I wish to make, and the inner journey I have embarked upon. 

The rune Nyd in grey to symbolize flexibility, endurance, persistence and resolve to accomplish the changes that I desire.

The rune Man again, this time in gold, to represent activity, and self-activation.  To activate the energies to accomplish the changes I desire.

The rune Haegl in black, to symbolize release and the energy of change and transformation. 

When completed this art project will represent my intentions for change toward self-empowerment.  When I have placed it where I can see it easily I will be reminded of today’s gift to myself, the journey of transformation from powerless to empowered!  I take back my life. I celebrate this as a victory in healing and recovery from the trauma of estrangement.

Renate Dundys Marrello

2015 – 02 – 13

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