Saturday, February 25, 2017

Post Estrangement - Musings on Forgiveness

My Daily Reflections:

I have to keep reminding myself the forgiveness is about letting go of the need to retaliate. I think I am getting pretty good at that. 

Forgiveness doesn't mean accepting, or allowing them back to do it again. And I think in the process of learning to forgive (i.e. let go of the need to retaliate) we become better equipped to recognize a real "atonement" rather than a fake apology. 

This serves us well in those instances when a reconciliation is on the table, for in being equipped we can defend and protect ourselves because we are on the lookout for the fake contrition that is often used to try to lure us in.

In studying forgiveness I have also studied what real atonement looks like. Really making "amends" is not just about saying "sorry" (words often spoken without intention or meaning). Really making amends is doing those things that are required to fix telling the truth to those they spread gossip to etc.

I think this is why there are so few real reconciliations. For the lies and the gossip and the slander are easy to dish out....but it takes real strength of character to A/ own up to doing those things yes....but even more difficult is B/ to then go around to everyone the lie was told to and retracting with truth. This is a hard pill to swallow.  It has become my opinion that the real reason wrong doers don’t come forward and atone is not because they are not sorry that they have caused harm but they are afraid that they might be asked to “prove” their sorrow with the actions of contrition.

It is for this reason alone, that I have come to believe that those who have betrayed me and slandered me in the past will never come to me with an apology or to seek forgiveness....for they realize that I would also expect them to atone by setting the record straight or it is no deal on the reconciliation.

I have in my heart forgiven (I do not wish to retaliate) but I also have learned that I deserve better than an "I'm sorry", a diluted apology at best.

Renate Dundys Marrello

2017 – 02 – 24 

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