Sunday, February 15, 2015

Post Estrangement - Seeking to Mend a Broken Heart

14 Days of Self Appreciation Challenge:   Day 14

February 14th  Mending a Broken Heart 

In my younger days I remember listening to this song.  I know it kind of dates me right! But back in those days you connected to the heart break of romantic love. But read the words again in the aftermath of estrangement and it speaks to the broken heart of a parent neglected, abandoned, isolated and alone.  

“I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees
And misty memories of days gone by
We could never see tomorrow,
No one said a word about the sorrow

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again”

In the aftermath of being estranged I remember days of heartache.  I remember the heartbreak of rejection and I remember clearly feeling that I finally totally understood that nature of heart ache.

Some days the ache was so intense breathing was difficult and even painful. It was like a heavy weight lay upon my chest. 
Sometimes the tears never stopped flowing. At at other times my jaw ached with the effort of holding back the unshed tears. 

There were days when my heart beat so rapidly and erratically that I believed I might be on death's door, and I went to sleep fully expecting to not awaken. 

I remember days of feeling so numb; like my ability to love had been erased from my life.
I remember feeling like I would never be able to love again.
I remember that feeling of aching emptiness that a world without love represents.

And I also remember wondering if my grown up child understood what it means to love? I wondered too if she had any comprehension as to the effects of her actions.

I also remember slowly, painfully, hesitantly starting learn to love again, allowing new people into my life and connecting with the feelings of caring and belonging once more.

There is still an emptiness in that corner of my heart where memories of my estranging daughter live.  I once was asked to explain how I was feeling and I remember my words very clearly,  "It is like a piece of my heart, a piece of me has died, a piece of me is missing".

When I think of my daughter I still feel that statement is true for me.  I fill that corner now with precious memories locked safely away because if I examine them too closely renewed heart ache is just a heartbeat away. Even now I fear I have unlocked the door too long to examine these feelings and I am almost overwhelmed that even after all this time my feelings are still too raw to examine closely.

Today’s Valentine’s Day self-affirmation gift to myself is a Heart Healing Ritual.  To remind myself that even in the aftermath of heart break there is the opportunity to love again.  That I am not destined to live a loveless life simply because my child decided I was not worth loving and decided to use the withholding of love as a punishment.  In the aftermath of estrangement I give myself a gift of love on Valentine's Day. 

Heart Healing Essential Oil Ritual

I will use this ritual to recall that there are others who love me, who want me in their lives.

I will use this ritual to remind me that there are countless others out there needing the love that I have to share.

I will use this ritual to remind myself that I am a good and lovable person.

I will use this ritual to affirm self-love and validation.

Prepare Heart Chakra Anointing Oil Ritual –
10ml of Sunflower Oil or Almond Oil + 10 drops of essential oil  (2 drops Rose, 2 drops Jasmine, 2 drops Lavender, 2 drops Melissa, 2 drops Ylang Ylang)

Prepare a quiet, peaceful, restful and comfortable place for the ceremony
  • Place a drop of oil on each chakras point – crown chakra, third eye chakra, throat chakra, heart chakra, sacral chakra and base/root chakra. Say to myself; “I honour, love and respect myself.”
  • Rub a small amount on the underside of the nostrils so that each breathe is filled with the aroma, and say “I honour, love and respect myself."
  • Place a drop of oil into each palm, then rub them together saying “I honour, love and respect myself.”
  • Place my hands together but open in front of my nose inhaling the aroma, saying “I honour, love and respect myself.”
  • Inhale the aroma, meditate and turn my focus inward to my dreams and wishes, prayers and desires.
  • Continue this process for about 5 minutes or as long as feels right.
  • When finished, take the palms of the hands into a prayer position, symbolically holding my wishes, desires, dreams and prayers in my hands. Bring my hands down in front of my heart space.
  • Remain quietly, breathing deeply, and bring my attention to the aroma in my nose and inhaling I feel my chest and my heart in the centre of my chest.
  • I tell my heart one positive thing.  Now I listen to what my heart is telling me.

And so ends my 14 day journey of self-affirmations.   I feel grateful that I was able to finish this journey.  To those of you who have followed along with me, I hope you have been inspired to following a healing journey of your own.  Please feel free to share your stories of healing with me. Either here of on My Facebook Reflections Page

Renate Dundys Marrello
2015 – 02 – 14

photo credits - as marked or unknown 


  1. Thank you for this beautiful article. I reposted it on my page. I'm stuck after 4 years of estrangement. I have not been able to more forward. I don't have too many people in my life due to the depression that came with this estrangement. Thanks again, Diane

  2. I understand that StarrLady. Mine too was a domino affect. It has been a year on April 5, that I last saw my baby grandchildren. It was a glorious night. Cool spring evening at sunset on the beach. We gathered shells, we walked for miles. She shivered, we held each other tight on the walk back. I never saw them again. I probably never will. But I know what you mean, and on top of the fallout my son, tried to get my daughters and grand daughters to leave me too. He was successful with one very troubled teen age granddaughter (my son's niece). She needed someone to blame. Luckily the other 2 would not go to his side. Im grateful as if I lost them all, I couldn't write this, I would not be here anymore. All this was over angry emails, words were never even spoken. So painful, the baby grands age 7 and 5 crush my heart every time I think of them.