Reflections on Healing - 14 Days of Self Appreciation Challenge: Day 8

February 8^th

I am going to tackle a hard challenge today; appreciating my inner and outer beauty. 

I cannot look in the mirror feel comfortable saying I like what I see.

Why is it so hard to look at myself and say "you are beautiful"?  Why do the words get stuck in my throat?  Why do I feel I don't deserve to say those words to myself?

I am one of those people that does not take compliments well.  I am self-deprecating to a fault, and my self-esteem suffers because of the negative messages I send myself day in and day out.  

I know where this all started.   I was the ugly duckling child.  I did not fit in at school.  I was the kid that got bullied for not looking, acting, or dressing like all the other kids. I am starting to realize that even though this is where it started that is not the problem.  

And I am equally sure there are many others that suffered the same excruciating torment in their school days.  The problem stems from the fact that I internalized the message and became my own worst bully.  I became the one who criticized myself day in and day.  It is not about how I look, it is about how I think about how I see myself.

I think it is time to put those hurtful memories in context, they are in the past.
I think it is time to exorcise my internal bully, to put him to rest. It is time to take away his power.

I need to learn to look in the mirror and see the real me, flaws and all, that is a beautiful human being filled with many good qualities and characteristics. I need to start accepting and appreciating and loving that woman that stares back at me.

So today I dedicate to creating a self-affirming ritual that addresses my need to change past habits. I need to start seeing the beauty that has always been.

Inner and outer beauty Ritual

I will create a relaxing restful atmosphere for me to meditate and ponder thoughts that I need to evaluate and asses.

I will fill this space with beautiful things that I am drawn to – flowers, crystals, pictures, yin-yang symbol, etc

I will write out my thoughts on each question I ponder.

I will take the time to write notes on thought patterns that no longer feel right for me

I will make lists of changes I wish to make.

I will empower myself to make those changes possible in the coming weeks.

Thoughts I will ponder:

1. Beauty is never just skin deep.  There is a balance between inner and outer allure.  What are the things that make me beautiful.
2. Look at a picture or drawing of a yin-yang symbol.  Reflect on how the opposites complement each other.  That diversity is instrumental in attract.  The balance of polarities that dualities that manifest into the unique person that I am. What are the polarities of my personality and character that make me unique?
3. Look upon each of the beautiful objects and imagine the unique and distinctive beauty of each piece.  Similarly I bring respect to my unique and distinctive beauty also and to bring that to a place of honour as well.  This is where I bring a picture of me to the space of beautiful things.  Symbolic of including myself in the things that I see as beautiful.  I honour my beauty and allow myself the opportunity to compliment myself.
4. I visualize and write out all the characteristics I wish to honour and validate.  First I will list all that qualities that I already possess and then those things that I wish to elevate within myself to bring even more inner beauty to my life.

Now I light a candle as a symbol of the light of enlightened self-appreciation I wish to draw to myself.  I create a powerful picture in my mind of all the qualities I already possess as well as all those I wish to embrace. I imagine the balance of Yin / Yang filling my entire body and soul with its balanced energy.  I visualize that balanced energy seeping into my aura. 

• I make a statement or affirmation by reading my list out loud
• I meditate on these thoughts
• Ring a bell to symbolically allow the message to be heard.
• I finish by declaring:
• 
  
  

In all ways I am balanced

In all ways I am serene

 I calmly shine my light               into the world

I allow the candle to burn, shining the light of my intentions into my awareness. I let it burn for me to see and be reminded of the work I have just accomplished. 

I am happy to be on this journey of self-affirmations.  I hope you my reader, have been inspired to contemplate with me.

Renate Dundys Marrello 

2015 - 02 - 08 

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