Saturday, June 10, 2017

My Daily Reflections: the pitfalls of the comparison habit




I think one of the things that we learn as children is comparing ourselves to others.  

Maybe our parents started the trend, by saying things like: 
- “why can’t you be more like….”  Or 
- “look at how well ….. is doing.”  

These messages somehow stick as we grow up and we internalize them.  Once we internalize them we become our own worst critic.  We start to compare ourselves to others and find all the different ways we don’t compare favorably.  

It is a vicious circle, we feel bad when we compare ourselves to others so we do more of it and more of it always coming up short and soon we lose all sense of self-worth.  

At some point in time, for our own mental well-being, we have to stop this cycle, to move away from comparisons to celebrations of our victories. 

We need to learn to redirect those false habits that no longer serve and create new ones that serve to create wholeness within us. Sometimes that means totally relearning the internal habits of a lifetime, especially if we carried this childhood pattern forward into our adult life. 

Thought for today:
where do I still cling to the false patterns of comparing myself to others?

Renate Dundys Marrello 
2017 - 06 - 09

Link to my Facebook Reflections Page
for some reason I can no longer access facebook.  If I sort out that glitch I will see you again there.  If not, well that is life, and I will make my notes here in Google Blogger instead.

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Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Post Estrangement: the Dilemma of Forgiveness


Quote:  "Weigh the true advantages of forgiveness and resentment to the heart. Then choose."
~ Jack Kornfield

On my healing journey what has kept me focused on finding a way toward forgiveness is the weight of resentment, bitterness, grudge bearing and unforgiveness have upon my soul. 

Always when I felt those negative emotions growing in my heart I found myself feeling betrayed by my own thoughts and a heaviness would weigh me down in a dark place.  When I weighed the true cost of remaining in that place I recognized that the price was too high, for it means sacrificing the values that I aspire to as a human being.  I don’t want to live down to other people’s standards; I want to live up to my own perceptions of what a good person ought to do.

The only way forward for me was to work on those aspects of my response to sorrow diligently. No wonder healing is such a hard journey, when most of the time I have to fight against my own dark side, my need for vengeance, justice, payback.

To let go of the resentment and bitterness, to not be burdened by a grudge and to find a way to forgive is to fight that inner darkness that says, “they don’t deserve to be forgiven”.

In order for me to like who I become in the process of healing I have had to learn how to separate the person from the deed.  The next step was seeing the person as a hurting, lost child of the Divine, and to then forgive that lost soul and pray for their healing as well as my own.  



It is when I pray for their healing, that I am most closely in tune with the kind of loving person I want to be.  For my own healing I pray that I can feel that way more often.



Renate Dundys Marrello
2017 – 06 – 06 

Link to my Facebook Reflections Page

My journal blog entries are copyright.
I love when you share my page to spread the word.
If you want to quote me I kindly ask that you please provide a link back to my page. 


photo credit - as marked or unknown