I had to overcome my fear of change when the routine that I had been in and which brought me such great satisfaction was suddenly stolen from me. I loved my life, my family and what I was doing. Then overnight that all changed.
The process of letting all of that go, has not been an easy one. I learnt to create new plans and follow through on them. At first it was just because I refused to sit back and accept that my life was over. My first goal was to create an adventure every month. For me traveling someplace and exploring replaced all that I had lost. Gradually the new things in my life grew in importance. They became the new me and defined the person I hope to be for the rest of my life.
I am letting go of the past but I am finding that it is much easier to say “I am letting go” and that the emotions of close ties makes it much more challenging to follow through.
I take actions, I take steps and gradually what was becomes less important in my daily activities and what is now becomes more important. I can now sometimes go a whole day without reflecting on the painful event of the past. I hope someday to be free of the wound.
In the meantime I create a freedom of sorts out of a grim determination not to surrender to the hurts of the past. I dream, I plan, I follow through on the adventure. I enjoy every moment of every adventure, I relish in the beauty that surrounds me. I make the most of every moment. By doing so I am breaking the chains of love and caring that bind me to the past and those who have hurt me.
Will I ever be totally free? The heart is a powerful instrument of hope and yearns for what used to be. So it is doubtful that total mind freedom will ever be a possibility. However, I will not live shackled by the events of the past and that is enough freedom for me right now.
Renate Dundys Marrello2013 – 01 - 07
Photoart by Renate Dundys Marrello
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