My Daily Reflections: Beware Glib Avice!

Often we read quotes and memes these days and we can see a kernel of truth, something to live better lives by if we take this advice to heart.  And yet at other times, the advice that we are given seems to actually cause us harm if we apply the advice without a good measure of common sense as well. 

For example this is the quote that started my train of thought today.

Quote:  Go and love someone exactly as they are. And then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest, truest version of themselves.  When one feels seen and appreciated in their own essence, on is instantly empowered.

~ Wes Angelozzi

On the surface nice friendly advice to be less judgmental, to be more kind and loving right!?  But dig deeper as I did today and there are some significant concerns. 

Here is my thought process:

What if your natural state is to love people exactly as they are without reservation and without boundaries?

What if because of this nature, you enable others to continuously use and abuse you and you constantly forgive them without holding them accountable?

What if your silence about exposing how they have hurt you is seen as acquiescence that you are okay with being treated badly on a regular basis?

What if you one day wake up and recognize that this is not good and you create boundaries and you do have reservations and want to hold them accountable?  And you start to have expectations of them that they could be better people if they learned to treat others with compassion and kindness.

Does this quote then imply that you should go back to allowing their abuse because you accept them for who they are? Do you accept their meanness,  do you accept their verbal abuse, do you accept them treating you badly all in the name of loving them as they are? 

Don’t I then empower bad behaviour in the name of loving someone just as they are?

To me such advice, given in a statement of “this is what you should do” is very confusing and even challenges all that I have learned on my healing journey. 

It implies that I should accept harm doers into my life and that my “loving them” will somehow magically encourage them to become good doers.  This has not been my experience.  

Rather what I have learned is that when I accept harm doers into my life, they feel they have the right to continue to be harm doers because I have not protested and I have therefore enabled them to continue doing the same harm over and over again.

Also, it seems to me that the very people who should be taking this kind of advice to heart are the very people who think it is their right to control and manipulate others with judgmental comments, criticisms, implications that you are only worthy of love if and when you change.  I find it interesting that these are the very people that eschew such advice claiming that they don't need to accept people as they are because they have the right to tell people how they ought to be.

Renate Dundys Marrello

2018 – 11 – 16

Link to my Facebook Reflections Page

My journal blog entries are copyright.

I love when you share my page to spread the word.

If you want to quote me I kindly ask that you please provide a link back to my page. 

photo credits: as marked or unknown