The bad guys in our lives don’t wear black hats. They are actually quite ordinary looking. They don’t have flashing signs that tell you who they are!
If they didn’t appear “nice” then they would not be able to get close enough to us to harm us!
They are masters of
disguise! They can fool us into letting
our guard down!
When the abuse
begins, they have already conned us into believing they have values that are similar
to ours. It is our trust that then allows them to get close enough to be in a
position to manipulate and harm us.
The abuse tends to
happen when there is no one there to witness the abuse so they can continue to
pretend to be who they are not and thus they are able to make you appear to be
the crazy one.
The only way to
recognize the abuse is by:
1/ having boundaries and
2/ analyzing which of your boundaries is being
violated.
3/ pointing out that your boundary has been
violated
4/ watch what they do in response you’re your pointing
out the boundary violation.
A good person will
apologize for having crossed your boundary.
A bad person will
find some way to make you feel either that you deserved it or that you are
crazy for feeling upset by what they did to you.
If they have gotten
away with such behaviour in the past; when you first call them on it they will
be very upset with you and will really try to make you out to be the bad person
for exposing their behaviour.
An abusive person
does not apologize for being abusive; they simply imply that you deserved
it. That if you had behaved differently
then they would not have needed to be abusive.
Thus controlling you and manipulating your reality.
When this happens you have to get good at looking beyond their “normal looking” façade and take steps to protect yourself from further abuse.
How much easier life would be if bad people looked evil!
When this happens you have to get good at looking beyond their “normal looking” façade and take steps to protect yourself from further abuse.
How much easier life would be if bad people looked evil!
Renate Dundys Marrello
2018 – 03 – 13
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