Sunday, October 30, 2016

Post Estrangement: The task of letting go.

I am a work in progress.  

I am letting go.

I write about the process as a way of focusing my thoughts.

I find it interesting when I post about the pain of estrangement I get tons of feedback and replies and comments.

And yet when I post about the process of healing I get very few comments and even less feedback.  What I do often get is sad negative, comments announcing in black and white that "I will never heal"  or "that is too hard to do".

Still I persist in working on healing, because it is the way forward. 
  • Yes the past sucks. 
  • Yes the past is unfair. 
  • Yes the past is something I view with regret and anger and all the other negative words. 
But I don't live in the past.  I also don't live in the imaginary world where all will be better if only the other person has a change of heart. I try to live in the world of what is.  

This is it.  I have been estranged.
This is my life.  I live the abandonment.

Sure it sucks, and yes this bad thing has happened to me.  But those events I will not be given the power nor be allowed to define who I am now and who I am becoming.

I will not put my life on hold waiting for some change to happen in the others that have plunged my life into turmoil.  


Because that gives them power over me.  If I can't be happy until THEY change I have handed them the keys to my happiness. 

I refuse to give them that kind of power over me, over MY life.

Therefore, I am letting go. 
Some days I wish letting go was easier or faster, but that never stops me from working on letting go.

Letting go opens me up to the new, the possible, the other.

Letting go makes possible those events and experiences that are not available to me as long as I live in the past or in the state of wistful hoping for a change that is in someone else's hands.

I choose to embrace the changes that are within my influence.

In this manner I take back my power.
In this manner I take back my present and my future.

My life is filled with opportunities just waiting for me to embrace them. 

Renate Dundys Marrello

2016 - 10 - 30

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  1. Renate,
    I, like you, have learned to live differently than I thought I would. I am glad that I have found others who have been estranged. The pain is real, the heartache is constant. Yet, I have learned to live and enjoy life. I wish you the best as your journey continues.

  2. For me it's a myriad of emotions that at times are identified by tears and at others joy. It's funny how moving on and accepting that there is no future allows one to reflect on the past good that exists. My son and daughter followed their mother and they are now lost to me and my whole family. It's been so many years since we had a meaningful conversation I've actually lost count. I kept hanging on to "hang in there, theyll come back around." This meant I had to stay engaged in trying, which equaled silent rejection, unless I forced the issue by way of sneak attack, then it was verbal...

    I'm not over it, I don't think I ever will be but I've embarked on a new part of the journey where I've allowed myself to forgive me and move on with my life. I sincerely hope others going through this can get here sooner than I did, it's a much better place to be.

  3. It is a roller coaster ride. Some days I am up, strong and determined, others down and despondant. However, I am working on myself and I am getting stronger! Love your blog.