Saturday, March 14, 2015

Post Estrangement: A journey of Letting Go - letting go of my grudge

As I continue my 40 day journey of letting go I realize that there are so many steps to letting go.  The past few days I have been looking at the need to let go of the grudge that I have building and growing in my heart. This is what keeps my pain and my anger fresh.  This is the "HOOK" that connects me to the past. 

40 Days of Letting go -  Day 23

It is easy to find a reason to hang on.  When I reflect on the pain and the hurting I experience; I automatically say “you deserve my hatred and my disrespect”.

A grudge is born out of the need to retaliate for the wounds inflicted upon me. The wound is kept alive when I repeat my mantra “You had no right to treat me this way.  I have issues with your actions.

The resentment grows and festers in my brain and I carry the burden.  Just as you carry your own burden with your resentments against me.

The resentment and bitterness have taken root in your soul.  That resentment builds your wall of silence blocking me out.

I don’t want to live the way you live, forever carrying that heavy weight.  So I will let my grudge go.  I will unhook myself from that path.

I will release the hold my anger and pain has over my soul. As I accept that what you did was not right, I also accept that I do not have to hold on to the anger and hurt indefinitely.  I can choose to let it go. I can choose to lay down my burden. 

Instead of hanging on to the bitterness I will taste the freedom of acceptance that what is past is past.  With that acceptance I give myself the ability to move on unfettered by the negative ruminations that are so hurtful to my soul.

Renate Dundys Marrello

Photo credits - as marked or unknown

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