Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Post Estrangement: A journey of Letting Go

I am working hard these days on the concept of letting go and what that actually means to a mother that has been tossed aside.  How to move forward into the uncharted territories of "used to be mom" toward the land of "no longer wanted as a mom".

The process of grieving and letting go is complex.  At same time, the process of healing and moving forward depends on a certain measure of success in this area. 

I decided to take a "40 Day Journey of Letting Go".  To achieve this goal I have decided to spend time each day focusing on what exactly I need to do for me to be able to accomplish this pilgrimage of "letting go".  What things do I need to figure out that will make the process something that I can accomplish.

In the near future all of my thoughts will come together in the book that I am writing. For now, I leave you with today's reflections. 

Day 13

I grew up believing that giving up, letting go of dreams and long-held goals, is something to be mourned and avoided.

I am coming to the conclusion that hanging on to something that is clearly over is taxing to my self-esteem and prevents me from moving forward towards better moments with more compatible people.

In this case I am not admitting defeat rather I am acknowledging that since others have already given up there is no longer anything to be achieved by my hanging on. 

Moving forward is not a failure rather an acceptance.  It is accepting that something that someone else broke and has no interest in repairing is no longer something worth my time nor my emotional investment to sustain.

Understanding this truth is the key to my liberty.  It gives me the freedom to let go of those dreams that my false hopes have so long struggled to keep alive. 

Renate Dundys Marrello 
2015 - 03 - 03 

photo credits:  as marked or unknown 


  1. Dear Renata, thank you so much for your excellent blog. I love the idea of going on a "40 day journey of letting go." I am not able to go on a Pilgrim's Walk as I dream of doing right now, but I could do this "40 day journey" from my own bed, and in my heart and in my mind.

    I hope you don't mind that I posted a small excerpt of your blog on another wonderful website that has been keeping me going through my own estrangement, called "dailystrength.org, parents-of-estranged-adult-children." I want everyone to find your blog as well as it all means so much and every little bit helps.


    I have learned that "love is all there is" and I will continue to love my son to the end of my days, and I put him and our relationship into the Hands of God and ask that Peace be given in whatever form it takes, even if this means a life without me.

    But I also ask God to grant me peace and acceptance of all things, and to know that our estranged children have paths to follow of their own, no matter how difficult those paths may seem to be. And one day, in this life or the next, we may be reunited once again.

    Love is all there is, unrequited or not. My heart is full and love is overflowing regardless of circumstance or rejection, whether it is reciprocated or not. For whatever reason, I ask God to lift the mantle of blame and shame from around me and let that love, real love, come forward, to flow like a river in the Silver Stream.

    "The winds of grace blow all the time; all we need do is set our sails."
    Dear God please show us The Way.
    Gracias, Amen.


  2. Easier said than done, but your blog post of "40 days of letting go" has given me great hope that perhaps one day I too, can learn to do this. Looking forward to reading more of your own journey. And thank you for sharing it with us all!