Reflection on the Healing Aspect of Solitude

Being away, alone, at one with nature, I call that solitude.  When I am solitary I don't miss anyone.  When I with people who don't get me, who hurt me, who trivialize what I am experiencing....that is when I feel lonely. That is when I run back and embrace solitude.

But one can’t always live life alone.  Therefore it is important to learn and understand the behaviours of others.  Not what they say….but how they behave!   It is their behaviour that tells us more about who. 

Sometime it is best to sit back and observe, to question:

-       How do they treat others?

-       How do they treat me?

-       How do they treat the environment? And how do they feel about those that abuse the environment?

-       How do they emphasize with the less fortunate and the less privileged?

-       How judgmental are they?  Do they come across as entitled or superior?

-       Do they embrace black and white thinking?  Especially where only they are right and everyone else is wrong.

-       Do they get pleasure out of other people’s misfortune?  Or even worse do they espouse that others deserve their misfortune because they are not good enough or somehow flawed?

These are just some of the things I look at when I observe and evaluate the behaviour of others.  I find it interesting that often the ones that say “look how good I am” actually behave the exact opposite.  How often have I been told “love is the answer” by those who hate everything or any one or any belief that is different from theirs?  More than I care to remember. 

I try to embrace these benighted souls with love and compassion, for that is where they are in their spiritual journey or their healing journey.  

But sometimes it gets to be too much and I need to escape once more to solitude. 

Sometimes solitude is where I go to experience the rawness of nature which reminds me of truth, of what really matters and it is when I am connected with myself that I find inner peace and contentment, not because everything is good, but because everything is as it needs to be in this moment.

Sometimes I find solitude in my work as a writer, where I face my own inner demons, agonize over what I am still learning about myself and how I have often sabotaged my own relationships with my desire for peace.  My desire for peace which has led me to ignore warning signs of emotional abuse and bad behaviours in others.  It was my desire for peace which allowed me to live for so long without any boundaries for self-protection.  It was my desire for peace that allowed me to deviate from who I really am in my attempts to please others.  This kind of solitude is very challenging, for I have to embrace the mistakes that I have made at the same time as I make changes in how I now present myself in relationships with others.  

Sometimes when I come out of solitary writing I am exhausted but left with a sense of freedom because I have once again addressed a nugget of truth that has kept me confined and imprisoned in unconscious behaviour patterns that kept me enslaved to the users and abusers. 

Sometimes when I come out of solitude I am invigorated sometimes I am distraught but always the reality comes back to face me, relationships require effort and work and not everyone is willing to put in the work necessary for healthy relationships. 

Then for a while I will attempt to reconnect with people, find my tribe, my belonging.  Until I begin to once again wonder, where are the likeminded souls?  Where are they hiding? Why are there so few of us? Or if there are more of us, why are we not seen or aware of each other?

And over time as my distress builds over finding so many who are content in their not knowing; not knowing how their words and actions harm others, not knowing that theirs is not the only point of view, not knowing that that others have feelings that matter also, not knowing that there is more than one way to attain spiritual awareness.  

Over time the wounds inflicted upon me by the insensitivity of others in their words or actions; forces me to once again embrace the peace of solitude.  

Solitude is my drug of choice.  It is where I can restore my balance and my equilibrium.  It is where I can find contentment and peace.  It is where I can recharge for another round of dealing with people in all their many insensitive behaviour patterns.

Renate Dundys Marrello

2017 – 10 – 28

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