Friday, June 17, 2016

My Daily Reflection: the Role of Healing in changing Self talk


We all do it, our own inner voice is the one that we hear the most. It has the most to teach us and it is also the one most likely to harm us. 

It is the voice we try to drown out with distractions and self-medication to not face the hurtful things we say to ourselves.  

It is also the voice that can be the instrument of our inner healing.  Our inner voice comes from our unconscious minds that store all the memories and impressions.  When we react to a hurtful event, our response comes from the depths of our unconscious mind. When we talk to ourselves that message also come from submerged messages and memories that we hold about our past. 

Healing from our childhood wounding is learning how to put those now no longer pertinent messages to rest.  How can we do that when we suppress them?  We can’t.  

What we suppress comes out in other areas of our lives and our relationships.  When we suppress feelings of inadequacy that comes out in how we behave, how we interact with other people.  Whether that suppressed feeling is transposed into anger and negativity toward our self or toward others does not really matter.  The fat remains that we act in response to suppressed memories and when they get triggered we unconsciously respond in ways that are not really in our best interests. 

Healing requires that we honestly face those of our messages that come from our unconscious mind.  To draw them voluntarily to the surface, to look at them, examine them.  Find out the truth of them and then reorder and restock our unconscious mind with the corrected version of those same messages.

Wherever that journey takes us is how we come to know who we really are.  When we are no longer relying on an unconscious response to negative triggers but rather creating a life built on our own personal well thought out convictions, we become true to ourselves and the messages we send to ourselves in times of difficulty or even trauma are reflections of the values we hold dear not the triggered responses from our childhood self that are no longer relevant.

When we heal we develop a keen awareness of our own personal demons.  Oddly enough that also changes the way we see the key players in our lives.  When we start to see our own demons, we start to see which demons are speaking (or were speaking) for those others in our lives.  

As we get to know ourselves better, we start to see others in relationship to their own inner demons.  

As we show ourselves compassion as we strive to have better self talk, we see how others have either learned or have not learned, faced or denied themselves the opportunity to heal. 

And in the process we become more compassionate toward those who have not yet discovered the power of inner healing.

Often those who hurt us the most have the most need for inner healing.  And sadly often those in the most need of inner healing are the most in denial of needing inner healing.  The very actions that hurt us the most we discover come from the very wounds that they are unwilling to face.

Those of us brave enough to face our inner demons change from the inside out.  We don’t just adopt a different outlook; we consciously make choices to change deep down to our core values.  The work is hard but rewarding.  In the process we go from damaging negative self-talk, to strong empowering self-talk. 

Here is however where I have a word of caution.  To just decide to employ positive self talk without first doing the inner healing is like putting a bandage on a gaping wound.  If the wound is infected and filled with pus first it needs to be disinfected and healed, maybe even some stitches applied to close the wound.  Just covering it up would allow infection and rot to remain and fester.

By all means build a better more positive self talk vocabulary, but first investigate the source of the negative self talk, heal the old emotional wounds, scour the unconscious mind for hidden messages that have been buried and lain unresolved and yet trigger behaviour in us that we struggle to reconcile. 

Heal all those inner demons and walk toward a future where you truly are the source of your conscious choices and actions and reactions.

Then if you are really brave, take that healing and use it to show compassion towards those who have not yet healed, toward those that continue to hurt and hurt others because of their unresolved inner demons.  Become a beacon of light as you change and show others that change is possible.  Maybe even open up old conversations from a new perspective, from a place of kindness and compassion and growth rather than from anger and fear and retaliation.

How would that change your relationships, your connections, and your corner of the world?

Renate Dundys Marrello 

2016 - 06 - 17

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