In the aftermath of estrangement I accept that the pain of rejection will always remain to some degree; it is a fact of the events. There is no going back, no changing what was.
Therefore, moving forward for me has been accepting that which I can't change and then to start to work on me. My healing journey in a large part, is about what kind of a person do I want to be post estrangement?
Do I want to be bitter and live the rest of my life with harboured anger, grudges and regrets?
Do I want to celebrate all that is best in me, becoming more of all the good qualities that I already have?
I have chosen the later. I figure that the best revenge is to come through this "test by fire"; with grace and good character and to be more of everything they tried to take away from me.
They lied about me to justify their actions; so I decided to become more of all those qualities that they stripped from me, to live my life so that everyone who meets me or interacts with me knows from that experience just how mean-spirited and malicious those lies are.
They say I am crazy - I will educate myself and learn so much about real mental illness and stress illness that I am an example of knowledge about this field and that I actually understand their character defects better than they do. I will become knowledgeable about the trite and flip comments they use use as part of their labeling process which they use in their attempt to put me down, and destroy my reputation. I will recognize that just because something is said does not make it true and just because someone makes a diagnosis does not mean it has validity. I will empower myself with knowledge.
They say that I am mean - therefore I will treat everyone with extreme kindness and let my actions speak louder than their words. Every person I meet will be given the kindness, empathy and compassion that I feel every living being deserves. I will even be empathetic towards those who wish me ill. I will strive to see in their hurtful actions their own spiritual and emotional lacks. I will even wish them well as I set them free to follow the paths they must walk for their own emotional enlightenment. I will empower myself with kindness.
They say that I am stupid and ignorant - I well learn and gather knowledge about all manner of things but high on the list is learning about the nature of people and the kind of people that attempt to gain in their own self importance by disparaging others. In learning about abusive tactics used to hurt others, in coming to understand what bullies do to gain control and how manipulative people attempt to control others I will empower myself with understanding.
They say that I am whining about the way I have been treated - so I will rise about their expectations of my whining and I will celebrate what they have forced me to become, a stronger more empowered person. Every success that I celebrate because of their treatment of me will be a testament to the fact that I am a survivor. I empower myself when I become victorious.
I start each day planning how best to become the best version of myself, building personal boundaries so strong and so powerful that I never ever allow anyone to destroy me the way they attempted to destroy me. I get through the daily struggles by imagining the victory. I work each day towards that goal. Healing and moving on is not optional it is my mission.
I am a survivor and my intentions in moving forward is to become the healthiest most proactive and self empowering survivor that it is possible to become. They wanted to see me broken by their attack, and the best way for me to fight back is to walk victorious, head held high, proud of my ability to overcome and be more of every good quality that I already have.
Renate Dundys Marrello
2015 - 12 - 14
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