Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Where Might a Change in Thinking Habits Take You?

I received a question from a reader recently who was in desperation calling out for help.  They are in a very negative place and I recognized that place, for I dwelt there for a long time.  

As I read this cry of desperation I realized that I have changed over the course of my healing journey. Because it might help you my dear reader, I want to share with you what I do differently now than what I did before.

Every time I hear a negative thought in my mind that goes round and round and seems to get stuck in replay; I ask myself this one question.  Are you ready?  This is so vitally important!

"Is thinking about this helping me get better or is it keeping me stuck in the past?"

If a thought keeps me stuck in the past I owe it to myself to change my thoughts.  

If I continue to think about how horrible my life is in the aftermath of estrangement, if I focus on how sad or hurt or angry I am, then I am imprisoning myself and I remain in the hurting space.   The only way to get out to the hurting space is to change the mind space I live in.

This requires self-discipline.  This requires me to become aware that changing my thoughts is an action of self-love and self-compassion.  This kind of self-empathy is something that I deserve.  This kind of self-empathy is something that you too deserve. 

When you are in a negative space and when you reinforce that negative space by thinking or speaking or writing about it you remain in that negative space

Here is my challenge to myself and I encourage you to take up this challenge for yourself also: 

  • Every day instead of thinking, talking, writing about all the ways your situation has made your life a misery, start writing a list of things you once loved to do and would like to do again.  
  • Every day write at least one thing that you appreciate about yourself
  • Every day write at least three things that you are grateful for

If you do this every day over and over again you will start to see changes.  Changes started for me when I started doing something different for myself.  These changes can do the same for you when you become committed to doing something different for you.  

When I am in need of a self pep talk this is what I say:
  • Wallowing in sorrow and self-pity has gotten me to where I am now.  
  • Continuing to do the same will keep me stuck in this negative emotional place.  
  • It is by trying something different that I have the opportunity to see where I might go that is different from where I am now.

I am trying hard each and every day to start the next chapter in my life. 

Are you ready to join me exploring the possibility of healing?

Are you willing to try it?

Where might a change in thinking habits take you?

Renate Dundys Marrello
2015 – 04 – 28

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  1. Your article is very good. This is a very hard process. I have been trying to come up with a way to not feel the pain so much.

  2. After reading this article it does give me a way of thinking. I realize that I am at the point of not being so mad, but hurt and grieving. I can see by what you are saying is that it is going to be a struggle each day to do what it best for yourself