Post Estrangement: learning to expand my life

I fight a constant battle to be aware of what makes my world smaller.  Focusing on the things that I have lost in life shrinks my world down to the size of the pain and the heartache. 

Every day I strive to enlarge my world.  I do this not by denying what has happened to me but by acknowledging the life changing events of my life.  I acknowledge the hurting and the pain and the sadness but then I celebrate that I am here to feel those emotions as part of a wider kaleidoscope of feelings.  And after acknowledging that the sorrow for what I have lost is an integral part of my life, I then turn to the wonders and bounty and beauty in my life waiting to be appreciated. 

• As I turn my thoughts to what I have, my world expands to encompass all the many loves and joys that I am blessed with.
  
• As I turn to face the good in my life, my world grows to embrace all the people and experiences that I can be inspired by and learn from.
• As I embrace the joy of the possibilities in the now, I leave behind the regrets of the past in acceptance of what is.
• As I turn to this moment of this day that is given to me, I acknowledge that life is what it is, even when it isn’t what I would have it be.

This acceptance allows me to expand my consciousness,  to expand my generosity and forgiveness, to expand my acceptance and compassion to include even those who have done me wrong.

The journey to enlarge my world is not an easy one, it is far easier to turn inward, to shrink from growing and living and loving again. 

I am reminded often that:

• Courage is doing what needs to be done even when it is easier to turn aside, to give up, to give in.
• Strength is doing and taking the steps, even when you feel like not doing.
• Finding a way to heal is making room for the possibility even when filled with doubt that it is even possible.

My life is bigger today because I dare to expand my world beyond grief and sorrow, because I dare to hope that life after trauma is worth living and because I have come to believe that I deserve better than I have been given; and that I will not give up until fully I realize that enthusiastic and life affirming exuberance that is my right.

Renate Dundys Marrello

2016 - 02 - 14

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