Reflecting on Estrangement and a book about the journey of grief and healing?

I want to thank all of you my dear readers for your continual support and encouraging comments.   I have been writing about my experience with estrangement in my journal for the past 3 years.  I was estranged in May 2009, the first couple of years I confess, are almost a complete blur of grief.  It was starting to journal my feelings (Dec 2011) that was actually the first step I took toward healing.

I started my "Reflections on Life" facebook page shortly afterwards to trace my "journey of reflective thoughts", and then started my blog here (Feb 2013).  I have been trying to express thoughts and ideas that swirl through my mind. 

At first I was very timid, filled with fear of the repercussions.  I found myself wondering repeatedly, does my story reflect the experiences of other estranged parents?  Will my expressing of my thoughts and feeling alienate the "estrangers" even more? 

I have been overwhelmed by the heartfelt and generous words of praise and encouragement.  Hearing from you that I am also saying what you have felt the need to say has inspired me to keep going.  

Many of you have asked me if I would consider writing a book.  I want to admit to you that the prospect overwhelms me.

Can I do this?  Can I write about the experience of estrangement from our point of view and do it in such a manner that you the reader can gain solace and hope. Do it in such a way that others who have not been affected might come to understand us better.  Do it to leave a legacy for our estranging children to recognize the enormity of the consequences of their actions.

This question has been sitting on my mind for months now, and each time I have faced it I have sidestepped making a commitment to the project. 

Partly it is the fear of facing full on all the emotions we all experience.  To write a book about dealing and healing, a journey through estrangement, requires opening up and examining all those wounds once more.   It is a daunting process. 

And yet at the same time I realize that every day I face the trauma of the experience and make choices about how to navigate my day.  Writing about the process would allow me to face those same choices but offer others an opportunity to see the tools I have developed for handling the emotions and working through them to regain my life.  

The prospect that my work might benefit others is what inspires me to now take on this project. However, I also realize the fragility of my resolve. 

I know that on a bad day I might get stuck and not follow through on my intension.  And so I ask you my dear readers to be with me on this journey.  As I share parts of my book with you here, let me know if I am on the right track or remind me of what is most helpful to you.  Share with me your needs so that I can work through the darker days with hope that it is all worth it in the end.

Renate Dundys Marrello