My Daily Reflections: Recognizing Toxic People by How They Make You Feel

You recognize a toxic person by how you feel when in their presence. Their actions trigger your most primal negative responses.

People who make you feel this way often say they love you, but their actions show that they really don't care how you feel.

These actions are not loving actions.

Loving actions make you feel worthy, accepted, cared for. 

Toxic actions make you feel guilty, ashamed, not good enough.

Use your feelings about yourself as a guide to whether you have been in the presence of a toxic person.

Here are some Signs that you have been in the company of a Toxic Person:

1. You feel that nothing you can say or do is good enough

2. You feel that your smallest flaw or perceived imperfection is always being pointed out to you. Your past mistakes are used against you to prove your unworthiness.

3. You feel that you're not allowed to be different or that you are expected to conform to their standards.

4. You feel second best or defective when around them because they act like they are fabulous and never make mistakes

5. You feel guilty and ashamed of who you are and the choices you have made

6. You feel criticized, or that your needs don't matter or that you are being manipulated into believing your are the problem and that you need to change.

7. You feel beaten, wounded, battered, bruised and torn after spending time with them

8. You feel that your boundaries have been disrespected and your "no” is turned around to make you feel selfish.

9. You feel un-cared for, that your feelings don't matter, and even that they enjoy seeing the suffering they cause.

10. They leave you feeling that everything is about them, what they think, and want and feel.

Toxic people can be older than you, the same age as you or younger than you.

Most often we forget that people younger than us can treat us toxically.

We usually think of toxic behaviours coming from our peers or those older than us. (The typical bully is portrayed as older). This is a fallacy.

Even those younger than us learn that toxic behaviours create a sense of power and they will use this to get what they want from those of us who tend to be kind, forgiving, compassionate peacekeepers.

Renate Dundys Marrello

2017 - 07 - 31

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