tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post1176422985268450491..comments2024-01-20T02:59:47.120-08:00Comments on Reflections on Life : Post Estrangement: Healing versus GrievingRenate Dundys Marrellohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10554730481349533628noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-59744241504302836562017-07-20T01:57:40.896-07:002017-07-20T01:57:40.896-07:00I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone in t...I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone in this. It is the worst thing and spreads its tentacles far and wide throughout all my relationships. What sort of horrible person am I that my own children and in my case my parents want nothing to do with me at times.? Why should me uncaring sister have children who seem to adore her? Why not me who bent over backwards to give my children very opportunity denied to me?I am lucky that I have a lovely husband who was also a loving father. Without him I would have left this world long ago. I have become a people pleaser to try and establish some sort of credibility. Usually one sided but that does give me some comfort.VeronicaHelenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17214662082808774318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-43762989421157553772017-03-20T15:19:42.515-07:002017-03-20T15:19:42.515-07:00I so agree with this post.Everyone is affected by ...I so agree with this post.Everyone is affected by this estrangement by my daughter. It affects what should be happy occasions in our lives and yes affects all the generations,so so cruel and devastating for everyone concerned. I continue to hang onto my faith and prayers to cope. Best wishes xlynnyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02261738699683882174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-66219297017730690352017-03-08T20:30:10.379-08:002017-03-08T20:30:10.379-08:00Thank you,I really am grateful to have found this....Thank you,I really am grateful to have found this. Ever since two of my adult children quit talking and seeing me , the loss has been like a death...but with death we grieve, heal and move on eventually. It has been the complete opposite in this situation..the grieving goes on everyday and has continued for year's. It has been the most devasting thing I've ever gone through..I'm trying extremely hard to move on and except their decision that they don't love me for whatever reason...yes,i asked myself "why?" Are they doing this every single day,several time's a day for years...I'm trying to change that because I'll never know the answer to a question that makes no sense. I'm sorry for every parent going through their loss...it's like a open wound that never heals,and a constant ongoing ache in our heart's. My life is very unfulfilled without two of my son's, and i just found out two month's ago, I'm going to be a first time grandmother,something I've always dreamed of being...my fear of course is that he won't allow me to be involved,and yet he calls and leaves a voice mssg informing me about the baby ,and saying that he knows how happy this will make me.im happy for him, but if he denies me from my grandchild, why would i be so happy ? I called him several time's too speak to him about his good news, and still won't pick up or return my calls now two month's later. I texted him and said that just being told that I'll be a grandmother, isn't being one.being a grandmother is having a relationship with my grandchild..not from a distance like our relationship has been over 10 yrs. I feel like my feelings are being toyed with,why call and get me completely excited if he has no intentions of allowing me to have a relationship with my grand baby? Obviously i would have heard this joyous news from someone else, like i do everything else...and in a way i wish that i had in this instance..it was the first time he had called in 6 yrs...but if he has no intentions letting me be involved, WHY CALL ? I have a terminal illness,and if I'm still alive by the time my grandchild arrives,and they deny my rights as a grandmother, I've decided to use my legal rights as a grandmother and hire an attorney. This child shouldn't be withheld from me just because my son is estranged. Acceptance is difficult, but i know that we must find a way to move on in with our lives ,or we'll never be happy,and experience everything else that life has to offer. Still praying every single day that they'll figure out just how short life really is,and they'll return. Praying everyday that they'll return before my life ends...can't imagine not seeing them at least one more time before that happens. Peace to all..prayers for all !Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04328971441868927361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-19441143560746949242017-02-25T22:12:43.675-08:002017-02-25T22:12:43.675-08:00Thank you for a forum that touches on this painful...Thank you for a forum that touches on this painful topic. This isn't how I envisioned life as a mom and a grand mom. I wake up at 3 AM to review/ruminate: what did I say, what did I do/ not do? Why has nothing I've tried helped resolve this? The child I thought was my rock has turned 180, and placed her children firmly behind her. I had a 3 AM Epiphany the other night, a glimmer of understanding, and perhaps I can move past the grief toward a healing. It's helpful to know my experience is not isolated, and others struggle to "keep the light on", but not at my expense. Bless all parents out there, and thank you for words of hope and wisdom.Isoldehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17679278772084479916noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-62437741203079237742017-02-18T17:08:55.803-08:002017-02-18T17:08:55.803-08:00Thank you so much I never knew how many other pare...Thank you so much I never knew how many other parents were also going through this painful situationAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11006676699681804268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-17703987946419216572017-02-01T07:57:57.731-08:002017-02-01T07:57:57.731-08:00You're welcome.
I agree whole families are af...You're welcome.<br /><br />I agree whole families are affected, divided, confused, disrupted. All family gatherings are altered, who does one invite, not invite. Fear grows as people wonder if stories are told and gossip flourishes. <br />The repercussions go on and on. <br />People choose sides and thus family dynamics change.<br /><br />Those most deeply affected lose trust, relationships become strained as the person without trust now pulls away to try to protect themselves from further harm.<br /><br />An estrangement affects generations on both sides of the event with grandchildren, great grand children and great grandparents also suffering loss of connection and contact. <br /><br />A single broken relationship affects a multitude of people, and not just within the family but also within the friends of the family.<br /><br />Estrangement is a total disruption of the fabric of the social life of the family and the friends of family across four or more generations. <br /><br />Renate Dundys Marrellohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10554730481349533628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-88002782304675992602017-01-31T20:38:32.561-08:002017-01-31T20:38:32.561-08:00Thank you for this. The one issue I rarely see ad...Thank you for this. The one issue I rarely see addressed is how this estrangement impacts all other family relationships. You may lose one child but all family members are connected and entire families are suddenly dismantled. This is the hardest part.<br />finneganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01460795866198801742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-78120469062375773462017-01-31T08:10:56.664-08:002017-01-31T08:10:56.664-08:00Thank you for sharing this helpful post.Thank you for sharing this helpful post.Ntantihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09555059192094030015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-22497599063503335092017-01-31T06:48:35.033-08:002017-01-31T06:48:35.033-08:00I am approaching my 1 year anniversary from my 2 d...I am approaching my 1 year anniversary from my 2 daughters excluding me from their life. Lots of long tough days and I still find myself in the What if and Why state. Trying to learn to stop that dreadful spiral and just let go.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12799331549209396011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-3585958885124092282016-02-13T08:50:10.086-08:002016-02-13T08:50:10.086-08:00Renate, oh my, how your words touch and breathe li...Renate, oh my, how your words touch and breathe life. I am so in this place right now - the differences between healing and grieving are just now showing signs of clarity. Though the two overlap, they are dismantling; slowly, purposefully with more continuity than ever. I love and appreciate your wisdom. Peace. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04785475427520174940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-58226656504329364222016-01-31T08:07:16.302-08:002016-01-31T08:07:16.302-08:00So, so, so helpful and true. I felt everything tha...So, so, so helpful and true. I felt everything that you mentioned, but didn't realize that I was going through a process. I also found it useful to remember that my daughter is God's daughter FIRST. This helped me realize that he would keep her safe. And keeping my love for her upfront in my prayers and day to day thoughts pulled me through those murky days. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15561428714965423576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-64457856876962373432016-01-31T08:06:24.345-08:002016-01-31T08:06:24.345-08:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15561428714965423576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5794003589871580138.post-37829634845252911472016-01-31T05:35:24.556-08:002016-01-31T05:35:24.556-08:00Very helpful - thank youVery helpful - thank youDiana Baurhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07876981777546686707noreply@blogger.com